Things I Love | 20 Months

20 months 

{As of Nov 28}

November was a crazy month for us.

{Well what month isn't crazy for us?}

But this month seemed especially crazy.

The boys were sick for nearly all of November (with colds and then what I self diagnosed as hand, foot, and mouth disease. Luckily that was pretty mild, especially for Ian, Briggs did however get some pretty big sores around his mouth) and Jesse was gone for two weeks making for an exhausting month.

Luckily these boys are seriously adorable.

I tell them on a daily basis that I want them to quit growing and stay this size forever.

Jesse has mentioned on a couple of occasions how funny it is that we have little gremlins who live at our house. Haha!

But in all seriousness, this was a big month for us. 

Our children are finally paid off! 

That's right! 

Their NICU stays.... paid off!

Briggs' extra hospital stay..... paid off!

And two surgeries...... paid off!

Yay hurray!

{B}              {I}

Ian

1. Loves blocks, and he is awesome at them. He works hard to build tall towers and can get up to 10 or 11 with very minimal assist from me. He also is hilarious because he only claps for himself after he has at least 4 high! haha. 

2. Likes to climb in the sink and sometimes he turns on the water but that scares him so he instantly starts crying.

3. Has a big cheesy grin that melts your heart when you tell him to smile. I especially love his smiley eyes.

4. He still loves his binky. (Yes we gave up on that whole binky detox thing. When they were waking up every couple of hours at night, I couldn't take it anymore and I gave them back.) I do worry a little bit (like always) because he really likes his binky and his blanket so I worry how the transition is going to go when I actually get strong enough to take it away for real.

5. He is pretty much happy all the time. 

6, When he gets hurt just a little bit (as in not enough to cry) he scrunches up his nose and makes a little "ohhhh" noise. It is so darn cute. 

7. He dances to about all music he hears. 

8. He doesn't like getting out of the tub. He has stayed in for an hour before! I pretty much have to carry his little body that is frozen in the same position right out of the tub.

9. Started saying a few words!! He says "Hi," "uh-oh," "eggs," "eyes," "Mimi," "Papa," 

"duck," "snack (nack)"

And his "Hi" is the most adorable thing ever. He pretty much says it anytime he sees you and he really inflects his voice and draws out his "hiiiiiiiiiiii" (I keep trying to get a good video of it, but so far I haven't had great luck. Hopefully I'll get one and update.)

10. He has also started signing more things again. It's been rather helpful.

11. He can do somersaults with Briggs. (It seems like he's been able to do this for a month or two but I can't remember if I had ever written it down.)

12. He is obsessed with climbing. And especially packing things up to high places.

13, He likes to hug my legs and walk with me.

14. His run is more of a gallup. It melts my heart with every bounce.

Brigham

1. He loves buckles and practices them several times a day. He has gotten remarkably patient with them as well.

2. Loves being held. 

3. He has the greatest grumpy face. He started making that face which cracked us up and we started making him do it on command which he totally does, although sometimes I wonder if he is actually just more grumpy than Ian.

4. He has three of his canines that have broken through the gums.

5. He isn't quite as attached to his binky and has been known to occasionally sleep all night without it.

6. He requests a treat, specifically goldfish, all the time. And because he looks so darn cute signing "fish" I can't help but give it to him.

7. He can say "hi" and "uh-oh" as well.

8. He still absolutely loves signing time. He waves his right pointer finger around every time it comes on and he always wants to be held and dance.

9. He is really friendly and waves at total strangers and about everyone he sees.

One day we were watching episodes of AFV and a cranberry commercial kept coming on with the cranberry farmers, and every time it came on Briggs would start waving at the TV. Jesse and I thought it was funny but we weren't quite sure why he was doing it until one time we actually saw the very start of the commercial and saw that one of the farmers waves at the beginning, so Briggs was just waving back! Haha! It cracked us up. What a friendly kid!

10. He also loves dancing. Especially if I am holding him. And it's even funnier if I am also holding Ian. They love dancing together in my arms.

11. He is my kitchen helper and has even learned to flip pancakes.

12. He hits his head when he is upset, either with his hand or on the floor. We have been trying to remind him to be gentle with himself. He will sometimes just rub his head gently now instead of actually whacking himself. 

13. He is still obsessed with pointing everything out to me. And I don't mind acknowledging. I love watching him discover the world. 

14. He is also my little collector of things. He always hands me leaves and rocks and any other treasures he finds. I love it. He also loves DVDs and takes them out of the DVD player and every single case he comes across. I don't love that quite as much. But at least he brings them to me!

They both love to walk up and down stairs without holding on to anything, be outside, and take off their shoes and socks when they aren't absolutely necessary. 

They love singing songs (some favorites are Itsy Bitsy Spider, Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree, Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam, If You're Happy and You Know It, 3 Little Monkeys Swinging in a Tree, The Wise Man Built His House Upon a Rock, and Once There Was a Snowman.) 

They are best buddies. Occasionally they get on one another's nerves, but for the most part they are so happy to be with each other and they just play and play.

They both like to play peek-a-boo (particularly Ian.) Almost every time, they cover their eyes and wait for me to ask "Where's ______" and then they throw their arms out showing me where they are, and then nearly immediately they show me where their dimples are! Haha. Cracks me up.

I just love these boys!!

It's Still Fall in St. George

We saw a big ol' tree with a whole pile of leaves beneath it at the church and had to take advantage of it. So Kylie and I dressed up the boys, trucked them down to the church, and tried to keep them interested enough to not run away! 

We probably could have used a few more helping hands, but it still turned out pretty cute.

Ian was particularly adorable while Briggs had a blast but didn't want to smile for the camera, as usual.

{I}

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{B}

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 {B}                                   {I}

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 {B}                               {I}

 {B}                                      {I}

 {B}                                       {I}

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We had to stop and enjoy the leaves ourselves. 

 It made for a very pretty view

 Of course the boys thought we were laying there just so they could come sit on us.

 We couldn't help but love the warm December weather! 

St. George is about as close to the Promised Land as you can gt.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Kevin

It only took us 25 pictures to find a few that were decent enough to wish a Happy Birthday to Grandpa Kevin. For your viewing pleasure, you get some of the outtakes with a couple of winners.

We couldn't take pictures earlier in the day because my cute littles were busy napping and snuggling their mama. Oh, and so was the dog.

We were kind of party poopers.

{B}                 {I}

{Later though, we got to business and were practicing our "so big/ta-da/shout hurray arms! Although mom was only using one arm since she was holding the camera, so they did too! haha}

{We love grandpa THIS much!} 

{They are just plain cute!} 

{B showing off his dimples!} 

{They get their good looks from their grandpa!} 

{And this is how they really felt about our photos.} 

Despite the slightly less than enthusiastic pictures, we really do love grandpa and hope he had a happy birthday!

Birth Story Woes

It's not that I'm ashamed I had a cesarean section. My OBGYN recommended it while I was pregnant with my twins and at the time it felt like a good decision for us. Having identical twins put them and me at a higher risk for potential complications, and it felt good to know that I had a doctor who liked to minimize risks and play it safe with the welfare of my unborn children. Especially with the potential gamble of having a vaginal delivery of one baby followed by an emergency C-Section for the other, I was willing to follow her recommendation.

But now I find I feel excluded in birth story conversations. You know, the stories where people talked about how long they were in labor, what they were dilated to when they were admitted, how long it took to progress to a 10, and how long or how many pushes it took to birth their newborn baby. I didn't have any of that. Being a nurse, and just plain fascinated with the birthing experience, I of course know the process and wish on a daily basis that I could work in the mother/baby realm someday. I simply love babies and find the human body amazing.

Because of this, I find myself wanting to contribute to the birth story conversations but I don't know what to say. Sure I've seen a few births, in fact the first one I watched made me cry. It was amazing. I know the theory behind having a baby, I just haven't done it. At least not in the conventional way. People don't seem to care about C-Section birth stories. I have been asked several times how I delivered or if I had to be induced and when I say I had a C-Section all I get in response is "ohhhh..." and the conversation quickly moves on. In my experience, the people who pushed for 5 hours or sneezed a baby out usually still think their way was SO MUCH BETTER than having a C-section. I don't know if women are scared of them or what but they make it sound like they would rather give up their right arm than have a C-section.

Sure, a C-section was not necessarily my first birthing method choice, but it is the choice I was given by my physician, whom I loved. And shoot, there are some huge benefits to knowing exactly when you are having a baby. My husband treated me to a giant steak dinner the night before I became a mother. It was heavenly. I was able to prepare mentally and physically for their arrival because I knew the exact day and roughly the time they would arrive a week before they came. I got a great night's sleep, woke up to the sound of my alarm instead of a stabbing contraction, took a shower, took pictures, and arrived at the hospital at our scheduled time. We joked with the pre-op nurse, I laughed at my husband all gowned up, and I walked into the operating room. Everything was relaxed and yet I was making the biggest transition in life, into the role of a mother.

A curtain was drawn up over my face so my husband I carried on our own conversation while the doctors and nurses had theirs. And then our worlds collided when we heard a cry. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard and we both turned into a mess of tears. It was amazing, miraculous, and spiritual. It was our babies' birthday. Everything went flawlessly. I had perfect two babies, my recovery went remarkably well, and a very small scar is the only evidence that it even happened. And honestly, the miracle of modern medicine very well may be the only reason I still have two healthy babies. For that I am eternally grateful.

{I}

{B} 

Then why do I feel so left out when I tell people I had a C-section?

I just finally realized why the other day, nearly 20 months after it happened. It was the disconnect I experienced. While the whole situation was very controlled, it was out my MY control. And I know my situation was different than your average mother, having premature twins, but I would think other C-sec moms have some similar feelings. While others talk about birthing their baby, having their husband cut the cord, and immediately snuggling their newborn into their chest, I simply heard a scream, kissed each of my babies' cheeks, and they were whisked away, not to be seen again until the next day. I barely had a chance to see them, let alone touch them. I could hear what was going on and knew the process, but I couldn't see any of it. They still didn't feel like mine.

And while I know they needed the extra help breathing and we will be forever grateful for the wonderful NICU nurses, it still didn't make it any easier to be apart from my boys. I wanted to bond with them and smell the scent of heaven that lingered on their skin. I wanted to snuggle, kiss, and simply stare at the babies my husband and I had created and I had carried for 36 weeks. Instead I had to do everything in my power not to cough or sneeze, have help to get out of bed, and then walk down the hallway to visit my babies. 

One advantage I found, is the bond that my husband got to have with our babies after their birth. He was the first one to hold them, touch them, and stare at all their tiny features. He was able to follow them straight from the delivery room into the NICU and popped in and out for the rest of the evening, always returning with vivid descriptions, new pictures, and a radiating love. It was amazing watching him become a father, but I remained stuck in my hospital bed trying to wake up my legs and quit itching enough to go visit my boys. 

{First diaper change}

{One of the first feedings}

While my C-section does not make me any less of a mother, nor is it less of a delivery, (in fact I would be bold enough to say it is quite the opposite as it is major surgery) deep down, I want the experience that comes with a vaginal delivery. I want to feel connected to my child as I help them enter the world and feel the weight of their little body on my chest. I want my husband to cut the umbilical cord, and I want to keep my baby with me instead of down the hall. I want the waiting game of "is this it?" with every contraction and I want to feel more in control of the delivery. I want that magical experience that only a mother knows. 

I know it may not happen, and it very well may be another C-section in my future (down the road, of course), and if that is the case then so be it. I will happily take a healthy baby over any delivery delusion I may have, but a girl can dream, can't she? And maybe those of you who swear your vaginal delivery was absolutely magical, with angels singing and all that jazz, could go ahead and cut us jealous c-sectioners a break and share your stories a little shorter and quieter? Or maybe even ask more questions about my delivery. It's not that I don't like to hear your story, it's quite the opposite in fact, I love to hear it too much. They make me feel bad, and that's not what I want. I want to celebrate motherhood in all its various forms and I want to feel proud that I was able to carry and deliver two perfectly healthy babies, whatever the method may be. 

To My Main Man

Back in his day:

we had NINE planets,

phones had buttons,

# was called a pound sign,

and ipods held only ten songs, and were called cd players.

It might be safe to say this handsome guy of mine is getting a little old.

Happy 30th Birthday to my main man!

You are the most amazing husband and a wonderful father. You crack me up on a daily basis and even think I'm funny once in awhile. You put my needs before yours and work hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table. You were the best thing that could have happened to me and I am blessed to have you in my life. 

I love you sweetie!

I can't wait until we are together again.