I was asked to give a talk in our church a couple of weeks ago. It had been a few years since I had been asked to speak so I was a little nervous. I was asked to speak on missionary work and encouraged to take a direction that had not been touched on recently, so I chose how missionary work had affected my own personal conversion.I stayed up late the night before trying to put my feelings on paper, and then on Sunday another speaker ran long so I was asked to sum up my 12 minute talk into a brief 5 minutes. I decided I could at least share my full unedited version on here, reckon I didn't perfect it for others to read so I'm sure it's a little rough in spots but that's ok. This is what I believe. This is who I am.
{To find out a little bit more about what I believe}
When I was
asked to speak on missionary work, I agonized over the fact that I didn't have much to share because I am severely lacking in personal missionary
stories and experiences. My husband then kindly reminded me that everyone knows
people get asked to speak on the things they need to work on the most, so I guess
that was his nice way of telling me that he thinks I’m a bad missionary too!
Fortunately I’m being given every opportunity to improve through this talk and
our current calling as ward missionaries.
While I was
pregnant, I sat in the ultrasound room with my husband waiting to find out the
gender of our babies, I was there to confirm my thoughts that we were having
two little girls. I had had dreams about it, pictured it in my mind, and just
felt like these babies were going to be girls. So you can imagine my surprise
when the image on the screen did not look like a little girl. The ultrasound
tech confirmed my fears when she said they were indeed little boys. I instantly
saw chaos, loud noises, and destruction, and wondered what on earth I was going
to do with little boys. But after the initial surprise wore off, the next
overwhelming feeling I had was inadequacy of raising boys. I suddenly realized
I was responsible for the teaching and rearing of these little boys to gain strong
testimonies so they would one day be missionaries.
I had read
the account of the Stripling Warriors several times but it touched my heart
even more now when I read Alma 56:47-48, “Now they never had fought yet they
did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers
than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers,
that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me
the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.” I wasn't sure I was up to this task, after all, I hadn't served a mission, I am
not perfect in my scripture reading, and honestly I mix up some of the stories
occasionally! How was I supposed to take on this big assignment of raising
future missionaries if I accidentally tell them Jonah was thrown in the lion’s
den?
I knew in
that moment that I could not afford to be coasting in my testimony. I knew I
had to constantly be strengthening it. And as in most other things in life, the
best way to learn and grow, is to teach and explain concepts to others, which
is exactly what missionary work is.
I read Elder L Tom
Perry's talk, Bring Souls Unto Me, from April 2009 and he read Doctrine and Covenants 33:8-10. It mentions
we need to open our mouths three times in these verses. Elder Perry talks about
the responsibility to open our mouths and warn our neighbor. He then offers a
suggestion of what we can say when we open our mouths these three times.
1. Declare our belief in Jesus Christ and his atonement. This
is where our happiness comes from, through the atonement and resurrection of
our Savior. In knowing there is purpose and life after this one, we are filled
with hope, joy, and a desire to do good things.
2. Tell the story of the First Vision in our own words. I found
it interesting that he mentions to say it in our own words. I wonder if that is
because it gives us an extra opportunity to let our testimony show and grow. The
spirit can pierce our hearts through reading the account, but the more we
testify, the more converted we personally become.
3. Testify of the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon compliments
the Bible. It helps us understand doctrines and it supports Joseph Smith’s
story. In Doctrine and Covenants 20, it is referring to the Book of Mormon when
it states in verse 11 “Proving to the world that the holy scriptures are true,
and that God does inspire men and call them to his holy work in this age and
generation, as well as in generations of old;”
When we
first moved out here, I worked with a girl who was raised Baptist. She quickly
learned that I was a Mormon and began asking me questions relating more to some
of the deeper doctrines like creating worlds rather than the doctrines of
salvation such as faith and baptism. I grew up in Idaho and Utah and had not
needed to defend my faith in such a way before. I was terrified and excited at
the same time. I tried to answer her questions as best I could but I struggled
with some of the questions because I simply had not ever questioned those
things so in depth before, nor had I really taught outside of a church
environment. I have always been a believing soul who doesn’t question all the
minute details because I simply feel that the core teachings are true and I
exercise faith on topics I don’t fully understand.
These questions
would then spark conversations at home with my husband and I realized that by
simply talking more about the Gospel at home, helped strengthen my own
testimony and give me more confidence as I spoke to others. I learned to bring
it back to the basics, because that is what I felt was important, and one thing
I loved to emphasize is that we have a living prophet on the Earth today. I
remember this particular girl saying that made a lot of sense because she had
wondered why we didn’t have them anymore and I was able to testify that we do
in fact have a prophet who communicates with God today, just as in days of old.
I don’t know
if anything will come of our conversations on her end, but I know my testimony
was strengthened because of our interactions. I found it easier and easier to
talk about what I believed and found joy in sharing my testimony and the good
news of the Gospel. I think it becomes simpler and sweet opportunities present
themselves when you are prepared personally and take the time to open your
mouth and share what you believe.
These opportunities
have become less common since having our babies and cutting back to only one
day of work per week. I don’t go out of the house much, and when I do I’m
typically going with a one track mind to get in, get what I need, and get back
home, especially if I have babies in tow. I find myself not seeking out
missionary opportunities and finding excuses along the way. I have also found
myself shy about sharing what I believe to people I encounter because I simply
am out of practice and feel like I need to know more before I try to talk to
others.
Elder M
Russell Ballard was speaking about full time missionaries but I feel like it
applies to everyone when he said: “We don’t expect them to be perfect, but they
need to be anxious, willing, and committed to serve so they can reach new
levels of spirituality as gospel teachers.” This emphasizes that we don’t need
to be perfect; we simply need to be willing. The spirit is the real teacher, we
are simply the vessel passing along the message.
I also believe
that missionary work can be done within the walls of our own homes as we go
through different times and seasons of availability, opportunities, and
situations. I have felt guilty for not being as actively involved outside of my
home in sharing the Gospel but have been gently reminded that it is ok for my
missionary focus to be inside my home as well. Even though my children are very
young, I am constantly teaching principles of the Gospel to them and I have
found it flows so naturally. I can’t imagine what else I would teach them. The
Gospel is engrained in my soul and is a part of everything I do whether I
realize it or not. Every time I sing primary songs or tell scripture stories to
them I feel of my Heavenly Father’s love for them and for me. I know I am far
from perfect, but my Heavenly Father helps me every step of the way.
This Gospel gives people hope, perspective,
love, and happiness. I’m grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who did what no
other could through the atonement to allow us the opportunity to live with our
Heavenly Father again. I’m grateful he was willing to bear the pains and sins
of the world so he can understand and help me through mine. I am grateful for
our living prophet President Monson who leads this church through divine
inspiration. I’m grateful for the Temple and for the Priesthood power to bind
on earth and heaven. I’m grateful I can have my family for all eternity as long
as I am worthy of it. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet and that he saw our
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and restored the Gospel to the Earth. I know
this Gospel brings happiness to the people who live it and I want to share that
joy with the people around me. I pray that you and I will be blessed with
opportunities to open our mouths and share our testimonies to not only help
those around us but to strengthen ourselves and our families. I know that as we
become more vocal in sharing our beliefs that we become more converted ourselves
and I know this is especially important to me as I try to raise valiant young
men who will one day go out and serve full time missions. I don’t want them to fear
sharing the Gospel, but instead find joy in sharing the truth we’ve been
blessed to know. I want them to say that they have no doubt that their mother
knew because of my words and actions. I want to become more deeply converted
through missionary service, and I know I can be as I take opportunities to open
my mouth and share my testimony as prompted by the Holy Ghost, to those around
me. To learn more about what we believe visit: http://mormon.org/
We have made improvements in some areas but seem to have slipped backwards in others. Daddy was able to sit up which was a big accomplishment, but I suspected a double eye infection in poor Briggs. We went to the doctor where we spent more money than seemed necessary, to be told what I already knew. Conjunctivitis. Boo.
Once I laid the littles down for a late nap, I ran off to the store to pick up eye drops. While standing in line wondering how on earth I would get eye drops into my ten month old, I was met with disappointment at the counter. The pharmacy did not have these eye drops in stock, but not to worry, they had put in a request from the distributor to get some more. They expected them to arrive around Saturday.
SATURDAY?
That did not bode well for this mama bear. I was not about to let my little guy suffer for three days because they did not have our prescription. Luckily, the tech behind the counter made a couple of phone calls and found us a bottle at a different location. What should have been a ten minute errand turned into an hour and half, to get these dang eye drops for my poor baby. And some donuts for me. {It's tough work taking care of sickies.} I'm pretty sure Jesse thought I ran away.
But alas, we started eye drops {which went surprisingly well}, laid our sick children to bed with lots of love and prayers that they would feel better, and I officially moved downstairs to the couch.
Day Three:
Day three was greeted with six wake up calls during the night from miserable boys (luckily I was still awake for the first two or three). We now seem to have acquired a nasty cold to accompany the diarrhea, and occasional vomiting. Ian sounds hoarse and wheezy and appears most interested in snuggling. Briggs looks like a balloon of goop exploded all over his face and can barely open his eyes at times. They are quite the pathetic sight.
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Thankfully Jesse is starting to rejoin the land of the living and we've actually seen his face a couple of times which is a sight for tired eyes. The boys have been troopers. I seriously cannot believe how happy they stay despite how sick they are. I continue to change diapers, try to get the boys to eat something, squeeze eye drops into little eyes, and give a couple of baths a day. And miraculously enough, am still not sick. I'm starting to think my nursing skills are really paying off! I just keep washing my hands, washing clothes, sanitizing my hands, cloroxing toys, and reminding myself that I work around sick people all the time and don't get sick. Now I just need to survive my one day of work and then I can get sick, if I must.
The boys are pretty easily entertained.
And this is poop on my shirt.
I changed the messiest diaper I think I have ever seen. It was all over Briggs from shoulder to foot, so it was straight to the tub for him and I almost laughed when I caught my reflection and saw the lovely gift he somehow passed along to me.
Being a mom is not for the faint of heart, or stomach.
We seriously are sometimes in the bath twice a day.
1. Some days I'm so busy with babies I forget to brush my teeth until part way through the day.
2. My children are covered in bumps and bruises, because let's be honest, I can't possibly watch both of them all the time. And some things even happen while I'm staring right at them.
3. Although I may appear mad when I leave the house, don't let the furrowed brows and downcast eyes deceive. It's not anger, it's simply that I am on a mission to get in, buy the things on my list, and get out. Believe it or not, I've most likely spent the last four hours working on getting everyone clean, dressed, fed, happy and out of the house.
4. At any given time, there may be ten bottles sitting in my sink, as well as another ten in my dishwasher. And probably another few lost throughout the house. (Maybe that's a sign there are too many bottles??)
5. I worry about favoritism. I try really hard to keep things fair but sometimes one baby needs more attention than the other, I just hope it isn't the same baby each time that gets more of my time.
6. Sometimes I get jealous of people who have vaginal deliveries (especially of twins). I know I shouldn't complain because I have two perfectly healthy babies, my recovery couldn't have been better, and there would have been a risk of a C-Section anyway, but I still wonder sometimes if I would have been able to do it.
7. I wish I had more pictures of me and my boys. I'm almost always the one behind the camera so I usually don't have pictures of the three of us doing things. It seems like most of the pictures I have with them are more staged, than our actual life.
I took these myself back when they were six months old.
I didn't realize how much I would love having them.
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8. I wonder what it would be like to just have one baby. I know there are single babies that are extremely difficult and I would never exchange my two for one, but on the rare occasion I take a date with one kiddo to the store, it just seems so much easier. I swear my boys rile each other up which makes them extra busy together.
9. Some Sundays are too overwhelming with our rambunctious littles and we skip out of church a little early and resolve to try again the next week.
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10. Sometimes I don't know who is who in pictures. Not very often, but sometimes. I try to print them out regularly and label them, but that doesn't always happen.
11. I don't often hold them together, unless I really need to. Even when they were little. I just find it easier to interact and care for both of them if we can all be on the floor. When you have a baby in each arm, that's all you can do, hold. I much prefer to be down playing, instead of just holding.
12. My husband and I have been to the Temple together only once since our boys were born. {And if truth be told, it was just this past Valentine's Day.} It just seems so much harder to leave two babies with someone, especially when most of the someones we know already have a baby themselves.
13. The UPS guy is a frequent visitor at our house and always asks how the twins are doing. I'm pretty sure we would recognize each other outside of my doorstep.
14. We refer to our arm muscles simply as the "baby carrying muscles."
15. Even after ten months, I am unable to cook dinner before the littles go to sleep. Unless my crockpot is doing all the heavy lifting, it is just too tricky by the end of the day with two (sometimes fussy) munchkins hanging on my legs.
Honestly, I feel like having twins has been about what I expected. I knew it was going to be hard, but I knew it was doable. I was ok with slowing down my life for awhile and devoting my time to caring for them. Some days are really tough and it's a miracle we make it through the day, but other days are filled with giggles and interactions that I only get to experience because I have twins. Although I may complain sometimes, refuse to leave my house unless absolutely essential, and probably look like a crazy woman, I wouldn't have it any other way.
