Surviving Twins: A (Not-So) Short Guide

Husbaughts in Red

1. Congratulations on having twins. You are now an instant celebrity. You will be stopped everywhere you go and people will tell you any twin story they have. They will tell you about how they wish they had twins, their sister has twins, how their best friends growing up were twins, or how their neighbor down the street has twins. You just nod your head and smile. They don't realize you don't have time to talk or that it is a huge deal you're even out of the house, but that's ok. Pinch a kid till he cries and you instantly have a convenient way out of that non-versation. There's little chance these people will have some earth-shattering insights to turn your life around, so don't feel obligated to listen to them talk for long. The people you do care to talk to are the ones who actually have twins and know you don't have much time to talk. They are the ones who just slow down their walk, tell you how cute your babies are, and how old their twins are and keep moving. You also have several people stop and tell you they have triplets. Holy cow. You want to bow down at their feet and praise them for being super parents. The best thing these people can tell you is "We survived." This can buoy your spirits and carry you through the rougher spots. It also never hurts to hear people think your kids are cute.

2. Lower your expectations to 0. It's now normal for your house to look something like this. Seriously.

I know there are people out there who can have twins, triplets, or octuplets and still keep their house tidy. These people are called cyborgs and they must be hunted down for the safety of all humanity. Plus they make the rest of us look bad. 

3. You will be doing at least a load of laundry every day to keep up with the massive mess of puke stained clothes and burp cloths. STOP SEPARATING THE WHITES AND COLORS. Seriously, when it comes to kids' stuff, just don't bother. Use cold water on everything, lump it all in, and get the job done. You'll save your sanity as well as a few bucks off your utility bill.

4. And when you get sick of doing a load a day, go buy a couple dozen more burp cloths and start doing laundry only every other day. Also be sure to set aside time to do your own laundry every week. Your instincts will tell you "I just did a load, so I should have shirts/shorts/socks/underwear for tomorrow." Don't listen. Set a day and push all your adult laundry (meaning grown-up laundry, not Adult laundry; you're probably not using that much these days anyway) through on that day. Also, take into account that you can do a lot of baby laundry all at once, but because of its diminutive size it will take you till three weeks after you're dead to get it all folded. Plan accordingly.

5. Find ways to teach your babies from the day they are born to lay on the floor and entertain themselves. Explain to them several times a day that there are two babies and only one mama.

Books and toys are awesome distractions. Lay down a kid for tummy time with a book and a couple of stuffed animals to look at. When they start getting fussy, swap it out for something new. The longer they're on the ground the more comfortable they feel there, so keep them entertaining themselves as long as possible.

6. Have several meals in your cupboard that takes less than 3 minutes to heat up. That is literally the amount of time you have to eat every meal for the foreseeable future. No joke. Hot Pockets FTW.

7. Speaking of food, your crockpot (aka Slow Cooker) is your new best friend. But feel free not to get acquainted for at least three months after the arrival of your babies.

8. Attempt to get out of the house at least once a week for a change of scenery. Your first day may go something like this:

Pack the diaper bag and get everything ready to go.
Change both babies into clothes.
Feed the babies simultaneously.
Burp one baby.
Second baby pukes all over himself.
First baby pukes all over you.
Change second baby's clothes.
Change your clothes.
Put babies into carseats.
Catch puke again that comes exploding out of each of them. We call these "Protest Pukes."
Decide it's not worth it to change them again and just take them wet.
Run the stroller down to the car.
Scoop both carseats up and put them outside.
Shut your foot in the door as you lock up. (Optional)
Finally get in the car and go to Target. (Or the national bargain chain of your choosing)
While at Target picking up the 3 things you came to get, both babies will attract all sorts of attention which slows you up and makes them scream.
It will be awesome.

And it will get better. I promise.

9. Go back to work one day a week despite the stress it causes leading up to that one day. Remind yourself that it's good for everyone. This mama gets to use her brain/essentially do the same thing I do at home, but to big people and these sweet boys get their daddy's undivided attention for a full day. I've seriously had some of my favorite experiences on these days where it's just me and the boys. Don't forget to take pictures. Mamma usually works the camera 'round here, but just buckle down and snap a picture or two.

10. Have a singing star. Nothing entertains quite like it does. Except Daddy. Daddy's the best.

11. Learn how to nurse a baby standing up. You very well may be walking all over the house with one baby attached so you can take care of the other baby. I have no experience in this area.

12. Always have your camera ready and take as many pictures as you can because your sleep deprived self will not remember the first few months of their lives. No joke. Take pictures AND video of everyday things. It might seem like a waste at the time, but even though our boys are only 6 months old we already look back at the videos of them as newborns and reminisce. 

13. Learn how to multi-task.

14. Don't bother doing up the clasps on your nursing bra, feeding times come all too quickly to bother with that.

15. Just go ahead and move into the nursery with your babies so you can sleep walk your way over and help them in the night. Danielle's sleepy self tends to auto-magically take care of almost all the late-night baby situations. I tell her in the morning she can always wake me up and get me to help, but her instincts are so strong she rarely has the presence of mind to take me up on my offer. NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.

16. If you absolutely have to go shopping by yourself with the babies, you can only get 3-5 small items because that is all the room you have in your cart.

17. Have your husband cook you breakfast every morning. You very well may turn into Gaston from Beauty and the Beast and be able to eat 5 dozen eggs. This leads me to point #17.5...

17.5 If you want your husband to do something, tell him. Now is not the time to play the "He should know what I'm thinking" game. From all husbands everywhere, this is our solemn plea: "Either do it yourself or tell us about it. Don't expect us to know anything." Husbands don't cope mentally as well as wives do. Those shoes you keep tripping over don't even register on our radar. The fact that neither of us has eaten in 14 hours somehow doesn't trigger the thought "Maybe I can make food!" If you want it, ask us.

18. Don't listen to people who tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. That's rubbish. When you have two, and specifically when you are nursing two, you EAT when your babies sleep. Sometimes that's the only time you have and you need to eat SO MUCH FOOD. Husbands, this only applies to you to the extent of making sure your wife is fed. You come second every time. I've never nursed a baby and I don't think I ever will, but I imagine it's like having a leech drain a half pint of blood out of you 4-10 times a day. With that perspective, husbands, step up and learn to fix food your wife likes. No, ordering pizza won't win you husband points.

19. Keep a sense of humor. Catch up with your spouse when you are both up with a baby at 3 in the morning instead of grumbling to one another. Laugh instead of cry over the freshly pumped breastmilk you spill all over the kitchen floor. Watch some Bill Cosby as you scrub the never ending mountain of pump parts and bottles. Sometimes laughing is the only thing that keeps you from crying. Self deprecation is the name of the game. Your pride has no place in a house with twins. If you screw up, point it out to her and laugh about it. If she screws up, mention the last time you screwed up worse and laugh about it. It won't be very long before you screw up again and need a little forgiveness from her, so don't ever let pride stand in the way of being happy.

20. And most importantly, stand over your babies and watch them sleep for a few minutes every single night. Kiss your spouse and thank the Lord for sending you these two perfect little babies and remember how amazing the whole thing is. Seeing them sleep will melt away any rough times you had during the day and rejuvenate you for the day ahead. Our boys had a few challenges with their NICU stay, Briggs' 20-day hospitalization, and a minor surgery for both of them, but we look at them and know they're perfect. No matter what goes wrong there are people worse off and you should feel blessed. We certainly do.

Final thoughts: Parenthood is awesome. Danielle and I get more joy out of seeing our boys' personalities develop than we've ever experienced before. We feel closer as a couple, and we feel Christ's love through them. I believe it has also given us an insight into how Heavenly Father can love us so much despite all the ways we screw up. I've been peed, pooped, and puked on more times than you can imagine, but I love these boys more every day, and Danielle and I grow closer every day.

****Update: We have now written an updated surviving twins post about how life is one year later. You can see the newest post here.****