Surviving Twins 2: An Even More Not-so Short Guide

It has been just over a year since our first Surviving Twins post, so we decided it was high time to write again to see if we are still surviving. And maybe how we are doing it, and how you can do it, too. 

Though we don't recommend it. Husbaughts in red.

While collaborating with my husband, we determined that if you fit even one of the groups listed below, congratulations! You're doing great! Seriously, pat yourself on the back.

One or both twins still alive
Currently still married

House has not been condemned by the state

Sane

Our twins are now 19 months old, and we like to think that we are pretty awesome parents. Or at least surviving parents. We have found things have changed a little since our hooligans were six months old. Yeah, can you believe that? Now they are mobile, a little opinionated, and did I mention mobile?

AND OPINIONATED.

1. The days of "hopping in the car" are over. Now plan on two-and-a-half hours to get out the door regardless of where you're headed. No joke. The boys love to walk down the stairs from our apartment and to the car. They prefer to run wildly into the street with no regard for traffic, safety, etc. I tend to throw both kids in as soon as possible, pin one in his chair and strap him in while the other runs amok in the front seat. I then track the second one down and wrangle him into his chair. The diaper bag gets thrown in somewhere and I finally make it into my seat, after all four doors are opened and shut, sweat is beading on my forehead, and the kids are hollering because I made them stop "driving" the car.

My tactic is a little different. I carry both kids from door to car and don't let them go until they're buckled in their seat. Usually this means opening the car door, plunking one kid into the seat and pinning the other one between my legs. To keep him from screaming I make funny noises and wiggle him back and forth with my knees so he thinks it's a game while I fumble with the buckles on the other one. Casual passersby no doubt think the asylum is one inmate short, but I GET RESULTS.

2. Private time? What private time? We used to keep the bathroom door closed at all times to avoid kiddos in the bathtub, toilet, cupboards, etc. Now the boys have learned to open all knobs so there is no hope of keeping doors closed or receiving any privacy. Bathroom trips are now accompanied by two little blond heads, four big eyes, and curious "ahhs?" That's just how it is. Welcome to true motherhood.

Again, my tactic is a little different. Generally I take my private time while they're asleep. This is made possible by my blessed bowels, which have been described as being "Regular as a train station clock!" Ok, it was I who described them that way, but no matter. Should the unexpected occur and an unscheduled bathroom visit is made necessary I lock it down like Alcatraz. They can scream all they want, but I poop in private.

3. Meal times are a tragic joke. We used to stick the boys in their chairs, tie bibs around their necks, spoon feed them pureed fruits and veggies, wipe off their chins, and send them on their way. Now it is a game. A big game of what to cook? What are they going to eat? How are we going to get it in their mouths? And keep it there? How do I get enough fruits and veggies in them? What do I do if they refuse everything I give them? I wish I had all the answers. For now it is called fruit pouches. Pretty much the same as spoon feeding Gerber pureed green beans, only now it's in a pouch for easier eating. Also my little stinkers have strong opinions about their food....such as not wanting left overs. They make me actually cook different things.

You may notice a pattern. I do things a bit differently. I have exactly five things in my culinary repertoire of kid's food preparation. Mac and Cheese, PB&J, instant oatmeal, Pop-Tarts, and whatever microwaveable delights I find in the fridge. Sprinkle in some cheese sticks, fruit snacks, and crackers and you've got a Daddy Dining Day. If they don't like those, they get to play the hungry game until the next meal.

4. It is crucial to get out of the house. Toddlers go stir crazy, and so do you! Parks, play dates, splash pads, libraries, etc are your new best friends. If you have a spouse or a friend you can go with that is ideal, if not, always take your stroller everywhere so they can't run crazy the entire time, and find a park that has two baby swings together so you can keep them confined and entertained simultaneously. Also wear your running shoes because if you're by yourself, you will be running. Running in opposite directions, up onto the playground equipment to catch your no limits child before he topples headfirst 8 feet down, and of course trying to keep them out of the road that is inevitably too close to the park. You will all come home and sleep well.

I am WAY too big a chicken to try taking them somewhere by myself that isn't the babysitter's house, but I can attest to the fact that they do like getting out. I'll take them for the occasional walk, but we generally just invent games to play at home. You've seen the video of Spit the Binky. Another one I like is "Toddler Ring Toss" where I ask them "How big are you?" and they reply by putting their arms in the air. That's when I throw our Aerobie Sprint Astonishing Flying Ring and try to get it over their arms and head. They love it. I promise they do.

5. Take everything out of your bottom cupboards. As soon as your children are mobile at all they are coming for those cupboards. Those cupboards are their new favorite toys and will be for the foreseeable future. Also you can't keep anything stored anywhere less than 5 feet off the ground because those Go-Go-Gadget arms are remarkably springy, and those little minds are very determined.

Seriously, their arms are six feet long some days. Usually the days you're the most tired. Plan accordingly.

6. They're hungry AGAIN? Dinner is now the bane of my existence. It's always when the boys are clingy, grumpy, bored, sad, busy, you name it, they are it. Dinners have to be quick, easy, and preferably already done by my crock pot. You have to meal plan, make sure your husband does your grocery shopping because you don't have time for that (and at least my husband is an awesome shopper. He tries to get everything on the list, always comes home with yummy snacks I would never buy, but like to eat, and without fail he has a grocery story that cracks me up) and start making dinner earlier in the day before the craziness gets out.

Not everyone will be married to a shopper as awesome as myself. Whatever you married will have to do.

7. You absolutely 100% need a Sam's Club/Costco membership. First off because their Sam's brand diapers are the most cost effective (and awesome) I have found, plus I buy two giganto packages (as well as wipes) and I don't have to go back for a month and a half or so. Awesome. {Except not-so-awesome is the fact that since I typed this up originally, those diapers were recalled for some reason and there has yet to be a restock. It has been an awful adjustment at our house. I just can't seem to find diapers I like nearly as much as their diapers.} And seriously the carts alone are worth the yearly fee. It makes shopping a dream to put two kiddos right there in the seat, although you absolutely cannot shop there exclusively because you will spend your life's savings in one trip. But do buy lunch there because you can feed a (at least my) family of four for less than $6. Love it!

8. Keep taking pictures. Always. It is so much harder to take pictures as soon as they can move, especially of them together, but STILL DO IT. Life goes by twice as quick when you have two children keeping you up at night and running you ragged by the end of the day. Your life is a blur. Make your husband (or mom, sister, friend, stranger...) help you entertain them so you can get them to look in the general direction of the camera, take a whole bunch (because we love digital photography), and try taking pictures every single day. You just do not want to miss a single moment in your children's lives. They grow up too fast.
I've found the key is to find a few things that always get a laugh and stick with them. Tickling can work, bubbles can work... My go-to move is spastic flailing of the arms and blood-curdling ululations from behind the camera. It works. Just check out our blog.

9. Organize pictures and label them often. Seriously. I've turned into a slacker on this one and I am already regretting it. You think you will never forget who is who in each one, and who did something hilarious, and what was happening, but you DO! Just get in the habit of printing out your favorites every two or three months, label them as soon as you get them with who is who and how old they are. Keep current pictures on your walls as well as a few from when they were itty bitty so you can be a little nostalgic. And while you're hanging, make sure you don't hang them too low because you better believe those little ones want to see how cute they are too and they will go through anything to get to them including climbing on the couch, chair, or piano to name a few. Seriously. Nine foot long arms.

10. Remember restaurants? Now's your chance. As funny as it is, eating out suddenly becomes easier once your children are big enough to sit in the high chairs and eat table food. Now is the time to seize the day and go out to eat because we know you haven't been out in at least 6+ months. We have found the best way to eat out is to get at least a table fit for six. This way you have room for your high chairs, diaper bag, and of course table space to pile all your food to one side and out of the eleven foot arm-span. Just ask for the biggest table they have, then tell them to take away the twelve chairs you won't be using. That's about right.

11. Nothing in your house is safe. You now have to assume everything can be reached. I laugh when I see old pictures because we had cords, cables, lap tops, sharp corners, and all other manner of non-child friendly things all over the place. Fortunately we baby proofed quickly and all has turned out alright, but honest to goodness, nothing is safe! They climb up on the kitchen table, sit next to the TV, pull large heavy things (like blenders) on their heads, use toys with wheels to stand on, etc. Do not walk out of a room ever because your children will be sitting on your piano pulling pictures off the walls.

12. Stores do not stock their shelves with twins in mind. At least matching twins. There is never two of the same thing on the shelf in the size you need. Especially shoes. I went looking for little black church shoes for my boys and after four stores only found one of sizes 5.5, 6, and 6.5. All within the range I want but only one pair does me no good, and having two of different sizes doesn't help! I used to think it was easier to match my children because then I didn't have to think about what to dress them in, just grab two matching shirts and we were good to go. Now I'm starting to think that if they even have a shirt on we are way ahead of the game. To remedy this problem (as well as several others) is ONLINE SHOPPING. It saves people.

13. People who tell you their children NEVER watch TV are full of it. Obviously they only have one perfect child, they are the perfect homemaker with their house always clean and dinner always made, and they still have all the energy in the world to come up with intellectually stimulating and age appropriate activities. The rest of us are human. You have to shower and you have to feed your family. Both of those are absolutely acceptable occasions to turn on an episode of Signing Time, Super Why, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, or what have you. Also any other time you need a quick nap on the living room floor, a break for the sake of your sanity, or even a trip to the bathroom. All are appropriate. Especially with twins.
My recommendation is Dinosaur Train. It's one of the few kids' shows that can be genuinely funny to an adult. Or, at least, a near-approximation of an adult like me. The characters are varied and have some real personality, the writing is pretty sharp, and it combines dinosaurs and time travel. What's not to love? La La LOOOOO!

14. You need a circle in your house for your children to run around. It is cheap entertainment, good exercise, plus it ensures you see them every 15 seconds or so while you are staying busy in the front room or kitchen. If you don't hear from them for longer than 30 seconds, you better check your bathroom sink. Also, your toothbrush.

The circle is a must. Knock down a wall if you have to because the twenty or so minutes of distraction the circle provides is SO worth it. Plus it's a great way to wear them out on days when you can't get to the park. Seriously, I'll loan you my sledge hammer.

15. People who say "Two for the price of one!" have NO IDEA. It is not like they only send one NICU bill because they felt sorry for you and those babies are so small they barely take up any space as it is. No. Two charges for the doctor when you have sick kids, two prescriptions to pick up, double the diapers, wipes, clothes, and food, and two laps for two children to sit on in an airplane (which in my case means my mom usually flies from Utah to Texas to help me load up the kiddos and flies back to Utah to see us for a few days. It's a serious sacrifice.)
There have been exactly three times we have thought this "two for one" thought.

1) When we had to buy Sami the Respirator when the boys got croup. Luckily one Sami could work for two babies.

 2) Baby swings. This is the reason there are leg holes on both sides.

3) Oh yeah, and the whole pregnancy thing.

So when those people say "Two for one!" you just chuckle a little, nod, and keep on walking.
"Keep on walking" is how you should deal with most strangers who don't realize how little time, patience, and sanity you have. "Haha yeah. Oh really? You don't say? How interesting! Kthxbye!"

16. Teach your children tricks. And they have to be able to do them on command for all the strangers who stop and gawk at them. Drill them incessantly so they don't break under pressure when you leave your house. If you don't, you will just have two small humans who simply gawk back. Which is still cute, but just not nearly as cool. Teach them to wave, high five, do knuckles, hug their brother, or really anything, so you don't have the awkward silence that comes after you say, "can you =wave??" and nothing happens.
I just tell people "They only perform for money. No, seriously."

17. Teach your children to share from an early age. It helps having a built-in buddy. I often find myself quickly giving in and finding two of everything to appease both boys, but my husband is good at making them take turns. It is such a valuable skill to know and most children learn it much later than twins. We have also found that if you say "take turns" instead of "share" the children are less likely to scream in your ear. Now that my husband subconsciously reminds me to make our children take turns I try to do it better. We take turns drinking out of cups, staking blocks, reading books, flipping light switches, etc. We have also taught them to share their snacks with the other child. This is currently mostly a one way sharing street of Briggs handing things to Ian, but we did capture Ian sharing his yogurt with Briggs in this picture.
We usually hand a snack to Briggs and tell him to "Share with Brother!" This was a rare showing of magnanimity on Ian's part.

18. Now is the time to sleep when your children sleep. When they were younger and you are nursing like a milk cow, it was the time to eat, not sleep, but now you can give in and take a nap. Especially when your toddlers act like newborns and wake up every 2-3 hours. Seriously, that is ridiculous. You thought you were tired when those babies first arrived but God gave you super powers to combat the lack of sleep. Now those super powers have worn off and your children have only gotten busier, noisier, and awake more. You deserve a nap. How much so? Let me tell you a story from the other day. I had been up probably 4 times in the night, my children were running around like wild things raised by wolves, and when nap time finally came I succumbed to my couch. I glanced at my phone and it read 2:50. I quickly drifted off into sleepland only to be rudely interrupted by the waterfall of spit running out of my mouth soaking my pillow! I looked at my phone again and it said 2:53. That is no lie. I fell asleep and drooled myself back awake all in 3 minutes. And not only that but I felt like I had slept an hour because I was so exhausted. 

19. Don't just TAKE pictures, be IN pictures. I'm sure you haven't noticed (HA!) but I am a little obsessed with pictures. And while you are taking 140 pictures a day of your children, make sure you show up in some pictures once in awhile too. In fact I wish I had more of me with them when they were itty bitty. I'm sure they're floating around but I just tend to be behind the camera more. Step out from behind the camera, get that husband involved and make him take some pictures of you and your kiddos doing what you do best!

20. Take time to teach. A toddler won't speed up anything. Two toddlers? Forget about it. But, they need to learn life skills and you're their mom. You do the math. They need to learn to work, to clean, to tidy, to listen, and how to not do stupid things, and they can learn all this by helping you with simple things. I've learned to request the help of my toddlers with laundry and they happily push clothes into the washer and climb into the dryer. They wipe off their trays when I give them wipes and they are grasping the concept of cleaning up toys (although they can be easily distracted.) We holler at them to not climb on top of the TV stand or the back of the couch because they need to learn to avoid danger and that they are required to listen to us, especially with regards to their safety. I do not want my children to grow up feeling entitled to anything. I want them to know the importance and value of work, to be honest, to be neat and tidy with regards to their appearance and living conditions. I want them to hold jobs, be good husbands and fathers and contributing members of society. I want them to listen to people with more experience as well as to promptings from their Heavenly Father. I simply want them to succeed, and I would be a failure if I did not give them the tools to do so.  Sure it takes an extra half hour to empty the dishwasher or pick up the front room, but they will learn that in our house, we help one another and take pride in our work.

Danielle is MUCH better at this than I am. I default to a more selfish, short-term solution because I just want the job done. I try to remind myself it's worth the extra time and effort. It's not always easy, but it IS worth it! I can't count how many times I've noticed the boys demonstrate some new skill or some newly developed coordination only to have Danielle inform me "They've been doing that for weeks." I've missed out on seeing them develop some of those skills because I didn't think it was worth the hassle to have them "help" me unload the dishwasher. I'm working hard to remember to give them chances to help and it's paying off big time. The other day they actually REDUCED the amount of time it took me to clean up the ball pit balls scattered all over their room. They may have only shaved off five seconds or so, but the small victories can have the biggest rewards.

Plus, they ARE adorable when they help with the laundry.