Men have forever had a difficult, nigh-impossible decision to make. A Catch 22. A lose-lose. An inescapable enigma. A vicious circle of circumstance. I call it, The Dilemma.
Women may brush off The Dilemma as merely a superficial choice, like the hairstyle they choose or what shoes they wear. This is, putting it mildly, a felonious understatement. Rarely will your hairstyle, shoes, dress, or other raiment-related decision require weeks approaching months of a sunk time investment only to leave you with a more or less binary choice.
To beard, or not to beard?
I've only entered the ranks of the Blessedly Bearded within the last year. Less than one orbit of Spaceship Earth around our nearest star, and yet I've come to understand in the most intimate of ways the true depth and breadth of The Dilemma.
To Beard:
Manly. Gruff. Commanding. These are a few of the hundreds of wonderful adjectives associated with the Beard-havers among us. Unfortunately, along with endowing your head with its own testosterone-born facial fortress, you're also turning yourself into an unassailable citadel of abstinence and loneliness. The women-folk will be understandably mesmerized and enthralled by your astonishing display of manliness, only to realize that every rose has its thorn. A thorn we call BEARD.
Not To Beard:
"So," you may think. "I certainly don't want to repel those of the fairer sex. My proximity to females is important and I value it above my epic jaw warmer." So you shave, attributing to yourself a whole new set of descriptors. Approachable. Relatable. Sweet. Then, out of nowhere, a mirror. You burst into tears, the waves of guilt and anguish washing over you like a tsunami over a fishing boat. You sacrificed your manly visage and left it shorn clean in the interest of human contact considering it an even trade. But now you know. You see yourself for what you now are without that herculean chin cover: a pasty, lust-repulsing babyface.
Attractive but unattainable, or approachable but undesirable? Thus, the man suffers and has for centuries.
And now a collection of images for your consideration:
