Bath Time!

 The first bath at home was something to gear up for.

Heat up the kitchen. Check.

Fill the bath tub with water that is just the right temperature. Check.

Get a few washcloths ready. Check.

Two towels. Check.

Baby soap. Check.

Babies. Check.

Some extra hands. Check.

Ian was the first one nominated.

He wasn't so sure about this whole bath stuff. But being the great baby that he is, he only managed to squeak and fuss, with a little yelp here and there.

 And as soon as we pulled him out of the tub, he started peeing all over! So he got to spend a little time over the sink while he finished and we cleaned up.

Briggs was the next nominee. 

And unlike his brother, he decided to get the peeing over with right at the beginning. So my mom luckily got to clean up our kitchen twice!

{ He didn't cry, but he held on for dear life!}

It was hilarious. 

He went stiff as a board as soon as we put him in and he grabbed my finger and did not let go!

 {I'm sure he's wondering what we got him into!}

 {This is about as upset as he got: furrowed eyebrows.}

 {This was a yawn. Don't let it deceive you.}

The Briggs Update

Our little Briggs is a champ. We've only received good news over the last week which has been so refreshing! He was moved off the PICU last Saturday to a regular floor which was a step in the right direction! The xrays were changed to every 12 hours instead of every 6 and after a couple of days went down to every 24 hours as they no longer showed any free air in the intestines. They also started checking his abdominal girth every 4 hours instead of every 1 hour since his belly hadn't changed at all during his stay. They took our his NG tube a few of days ago as well which we love because then we get to see his cute face better! All of these were signs that things were getting better and not spirally downward. He has continued to improve and gotten a little more alert and stronger every day. Hindsight is of course 20/20, but looking back I can now see he didn't look good at the beginning of this whole ordeal. 

We are now on day 10 of antibiotics and no food for this poor little guy. Luckily he is still the most easy going baby. He usually just fusses a bit if he gets mad, but for the most part he sleeps and then will just look around with his big blue eyes. He is just too sweet. Tomorrow we'll start reintroducing food in small amounts. Very small amounts. Like 5cc (about a teaspoon) through an ng tube (yes, now it's back in) over a half an hour every three hours to start with! They'll increase it by 5cc each day until he tolerates 30cc (one ounce) and then they'll let him try a bottle. But despite the minuscule amounts, we are so excited for our little boy to get some food. They'll continue monitoring him as they start giving him food to make sure his belly doesn't get distended, no more bloody stool result, and he doesn't vomit. We're praying things will continue to go as well as they possibly can and we can get this little guy home with us soon. We miss having our little family all under one roof.


{Balloons from grandma and grandpa Dorius}

{All the nurses talk about how cute he is. Other nurses even come into our room just to see him because the word in the halls is that he's one good looking baby. We agree.}

{This wiggle worm scooted clear out of his blanket one day! I laughed for a solid couple of minutes when I took off the top blanket and saw this!}

 {I love these big blue eyes!}

{We brought brother for a visit. It was so great to have everyone in one room.}

Unexpected Trials of Motherhood

I had been told that motherhood is hard, stressful, and severely lacking in sleep, but no one prepared me for just how hard, stressful, sleepless and emotional my life would become.

Most people only have one baby.
Most people get to take their baby home with them when they leave the hospital.
Most people don't spend any time in the NICU.
And most people don't end up taking their baby to the PICU after being home for less than 10 days.

We on the other hand were blessed with two babies.
We left the hospital without our babies in tow.
We visited our babies in the NICU for 10 days.
We blissfully enjoyed our life at home with our sweet boys for 9 days...
And then we were thrown another curve ball.

Despite feeling like an over-protective, worrying mother, I made an appointment to check their weights to see if they were gaining and I could play around with their feeding times a little bit. I wasn't too worried about Ian who was starting to get a little chub on his legs and cheeks, but I was a little concerned about Briggs. I was second guessing myself even at the appointment though wondering if I was crazy to check them out, but children don't come with an instruction manual so there we were. We were undressing the babies to get their naked weights and as Jesse changed Briggs' diaper we noticed it was bloody.

Blood is never a good sign so of course when the doctor poked her head in to tell us their weights were fine and to keep up whatever we were doing, I mentioned we had just changed this bloody diaper. She immediately dug it out of the trash and wanted to test it. Suddenly we were there with a sick child instead of just a weight check. The pediatrician told us it could potentially be necrotizing entercolitis (NEC) but that she didn't really suspect that was the case because his belly wasn't distended and he had good bowel sounds. She hoped it was more of a milk allergy or something minor but apparently the motto is "never trust a preemie" so she didn't want to take any chances. She said we would need to get an xray of his abdomen and do some bloodwork and that she would call a doctor at the hospital next door to see if they felt that Briggs should be admitted to the hospital for the testing.

Unfortunately he wasn't able to be admitted to the NICU at the hospital 5 minutes from our house and so we were sent to a children's hospital about 20 minutes away. We of course headed straight there from the pediatrician's office and got our little boy a room. The nurses started an IV on his little foot, drew blood, and I carried him downstairs for an xray. The doctor came to discuss the results with me and I was told that there was signs of some air in the lining of his intestines which is the by product of bacteria. There was a discussion of not giving him anything to eat for several days to rest his bowels, starting antibiotics, doing frequent xrays, watching his abdomen, and waiting to see how he responds. She told me that although he looked pretty good, he was actually a really sick baby and our pediatrician may have saved his life by sending us right over to the hospital.

Of course I lost it. This is my baby. We'd only had him home for a few days. He couldn't possibly be that sick. Soon after though the PICU doctor came up and spoke to me about transferring him to the PICU and getting him a PICC line the next day so we could do several days of antibiotic treatments as well as giving him nutrients through that line since it would be several days without food for our poor little guy. We transferred him down to the PICU, they placed an NG tube to suction out the stomach acid and give his bowels further rest, started the antibiotic regime, and hooked him up to the vital signs monitor.

 {The pulse ox is on his left foot, and blood pressure cuff on the right}

I cried for two days.
Our mellow little boy who hardly even fusses would cry and it broke my heart.
I knew he was hungry but I couldn't feed him.
I knew the heel sticks, IV placement, and NG tube hurt but I couldn't do anything about it.
And I knew he didn't feel good but I didn't know how to comfort him.

I aged ten years in two days. Instead of snuggling my baby at home, I was signing consent forms to put this three week old peanut under general anesthesia to insert a PICC line.I felt like motherhood was too tough. My heart couldn't take it. I couldn't stand seeing my baby attached to so many wires and not know exactly what was wrong, how long he'd be in the hospital, or what the outcome would be. Every time I looked at my baby I would tear up. Especially when he would start to frown, wimper, and cry a bit. It was torturous. I had seen several patients with PICC lines, NG tubes, and heart monitors, and given a lot of the same antibiotics and TPN but it is so different when it's your baby.

{His little PICC line}

{All the machines to infuse his TPN, lipids, and antibiotics.}

And not only did we have this sick little boy in the hospital, we also had one healthy little one at home. I was so torn with where I needed to be and how to split my time so I could see both of my boys. Fortunately, Jesse's parents were in town and were more than happy to love on Ian while I stayed with Briggs but it didn't make it much easier. Time seemed to slip away and yet I wouldn't do anything throughout the day. If I was with Briggs I would think about Ian and when I was with Ian I felt that I should be with Briggs. I didn't enjoy the thought of my baby being alone in his hospital room, but I also needed the normality of being home with Ian.

On the third day of this ordeal I was finally able to put on mascara and make it through the day without crying. It was a big milestone for me. Life seemed tolerable again. Not easy by any means, but it seemed we'd be able to make it. Jesse would wrap me up in a hug and I would count my blessings.

I was grateful I decided to get the boys weighed that day.
I was grateful we happened to change the bloody diaper while we were at the pediatrician's office.
I was grateful for priesthood blessings and the comfort they give.
I was grateful for the excellent care our little guy was getting in the PICU.
I was grateful that things were progressing in a positive way.
I was grateful we caught it early and the treatment seemed to be working.
I was grateful I could snuggle my baby even though he was covered in cables, wires, and lines.

We're now on day 5 of this ordeal and have several days ahead of us. I seem to be able to make it through the day without crying but I still feel torn on where I need to be and how I can fully connect with each of our babies. Motherhood has hit me hard and fast and although it is stressful, scary, overwhelming, and sometimes heart wrenching, I wouldn't trade it for anything. These boys and my sweet Jesse are my world and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

It's the little things

We are so lucky.

These little boys of ours are so good natured. I honestly think I've only heard each of them cry maybe twice.

We do however have two little grunters on our hands. they sure are noisy. 

They have their daddy's ears, blood type, sneezing patterns and cowlicks.

They look like their momma, have her toes, eyelashes and Dorius skinny little legs.

Despite looking like their momma, they have big baby blue eyes that melt my heart so the jury is still out on if they'll get light eyes like their daddy's. I'm crossing my fingers! 

Their skin tone is different. Briggs seems to be more red while Ian is just white. 

Ian has more hair, and it stands straight up! 

Briggs gives us "kissy lips" all the time. We love it.

Ian on the other hand has more of a pouty look and just sticks out his bottom lip.

Both love their hands up by their face. We call this look "Moose Ears" even though it's technically antlers I suppose, but moose ears just rolls off the tongue.

Both babies love the vibrating setting on the bouncy chairs.

Briggs loves kisses from mom.

Ian stays awake a little more during the day.

Briggs is very observant and likes to look around.

The nurses in the NICU predicted that Briggs will be completely content with a toy and could stare at it until Ian comes and steals it. And then Briggs probably won't even care and will find a new one.

They sleep swaddled and in little cradles

Some days they look more alike than other days. 

They look more alike when they are either both awake or both asleep.

{Can you tell who is who?}

It's looking like they have dimples. Briggs in particular, but I think I can make out little ones on Ian as well. We'll have to see how they develop as they start to smile.

They both lost their umbilical cords on 4/08/13 and they've had two baths now, the first one was a little scary for them but they seemed to enjoy the second one.

{Bath pictures will be posted soon}

During Ian's first tummy time on 4/11/13 (2 weeks old) he lifted up his head and moved it from the left side to the right side. We were impressed. 

Briggs did the same thing the next day.

Tummy time. Their whole bodies will fit on one of those burp cloths!

{They just look so itty bitty doing tummy time. This picture is Briggs next to my phone.}

And newborns make the best faces. Here's a few we've captured!

 {Ian sticks out his tongue more than Briggs}

{And they both seem to do that "stink eye" look. It's hilarious.}

 {Ian's hair does cool tricks}

 {This is quite possibly one of my favorite pictures ever. Too funny.}

 {Briggs}

 

 {Squishy-face}

 

{Briggs is so skinny he just wiggled right out of his pants one day}

 {Ian's crazy hair after a bath in the NICU}

 {Briggs just holding on to that binkie for dear life.}

 {Briggs seems to like the binkie more than Ian, but as soon as I think that, they flip flop, so who knows.}

{Always wiggling those hands out of the swaddle} 

{They're just peanuts in their crib}